No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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