I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
