you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Two words: nipple clamps
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