I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
