yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
