I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
