If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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