Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
