____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
