I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just gargled with NyQuil
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
