I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
third nipple confirmed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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