I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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