I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
