I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
