I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
