this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
