saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
