i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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