So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
