she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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