Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
