maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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