For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
