drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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