my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
