I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
