Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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