i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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