No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize