Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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