yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
