my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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