My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
