Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
