wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
