yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
