Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
