That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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