I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what day is it and did you see me today?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
