3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
