his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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