The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
