So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
