in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
