I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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