is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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