I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
