Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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