We're facebook friends in real life
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
