just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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