you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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