i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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