Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
