Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize