They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
