He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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