At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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