DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
