forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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