I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize