I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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