Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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