three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
