she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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