if i can run in heels then i can drive
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
