i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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