I heard we made out
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
