His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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