I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
