people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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