the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
