Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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