didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I met the friendliest cop last night
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
