I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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