some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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