16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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