i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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