No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
