Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
