you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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