Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize