What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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