Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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