Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
