Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
