I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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