That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
