I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
