you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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