Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
