if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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