I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
