so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
