She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
false alarm, still single
Randomize
